Life has come unraveled in the past 3-4 weeks, leaving me completely weak and emotionally exhausted. While I fully realize there are people that have much harder struggles and complications in life than I do right now, it doesn't make me NOT feel how I feel.
I'll come right out with it: I have depression. I've had it since I was a teenager, although back then, nobody talked about it. I don't get to the point of wanting to kill myself (however, I attempted suicide twice as a teenager). And I don't like AT ALL having to rely on taking a pill everyday to keep my mood regulated. So, I quit taking my pills in October (7 months ago). And, until now, I'd done just fine.
We went to see my parents for Easter, which I'd been excited about for weeks, and the boys were going to spend some time with their dad and his family (sister, mom, etc.) Hubs and I spent an afternoon walking around the Country Club Plaza in KC, and returned to my parents' house for some quality time with them.
Pretty good day! But then...
I got a call at 2a.m. (Saturday night / Sunday morning) from my oldest to pick him up at his dad's house because the adults were drunk and his aunt's boyfriend had threatened to beat him (Drew) up. A 30-something year old man threatening a 15-year old boy. Yeah. Seems fair. (NOT!)
So, in the wee hours of the morning, I made the 20+ minute drive to pick all 3 boys up. And when I got there, the boys' aunt (my ex-husband's sister... whom I've ALWAYS gotten along with) rushed up to me (drunk), yelling at me the entire time about what a sh*tty mom I am and how I always come to the boys' defense (um, duh!) when they get into trouble (maybe if his own family hadn't physically threatened him, I wouldn't have had to defend him!), and so on.
Over and over, telling me how bad of a mom I am... and she pulled up every struggle the boys and I have had as evidence of my bad mothering. The entire time she was yelling at me, all 3 of my boys stood around me, witnessing the entire thing. Humiliating, to say the least.
I acted as though I blew it off, but it crushed me to my core. This girl had my back when her brother and I got divorced. And she just turned on me in the most hateful way I could have ever imagined.
Then, my dad had three episodes of passing out cold on Easter day. He still to this day doesn't remember having them, nor does he remember the boys and I telling him about it on our drive from my uncle's house to their house... a 13 mile drive spent entirely talking about his episodes.
(just found this from earlier this year. unsure why it didn't get posted... or finished)
